The two middle girls, #2 and #3, are going through the trouble of loosing teeth. They deal with the sharp pains that come from a loose tooth sitting incorrectly. They struggle with the inconvenience of one tooth wiggling uncomfortably just as they eat. And Wife lives with the constant dread that they might swallow a tooth. The fact is, my children are falling apart.
This past week #2 lost a tooth, or rather, it was kinda, sorta, maybe, forcibly removed?
Her complaints had reached a tipping point, so Wife condescended to bend as low as she could, which at this point in her pregnancy is not very low, and then tipped back the little girls head as far as Wife felt safe. There a stubborn tooth held on by one corner, as if dangling by its hand. They decided it was time for the tooth to come out, now how to do it?
Wife is an incredible mother, changing diapers, changing nose-bleed bed sheets, cleaning up vomit, and all around take-care-of-business. However, the thought of putting her fingers into a mouth, other than a baby’s, nearly upset her stomach. She straightened, looked at our eldest, and asked, “Can you pull out your sister’s tooth?”
Both girls screamed and jumped back form one other.
That won’t work. Wife set her mind in overdrive, and walked to her womanly toolbox, the kitchen. Now I would have worried, watching Wife scan her multiplicity of implements, that in an Aztec temple would have been the instruments of sacrifice and torture; but #2 simply followed her in with no idea what a mother is capable of, surrounded by the weapons of choice.
Wife went for the barbecue tongs.
Now the events that occurred during the actual extraction are a little fuzzy, and I suspect that everyone present may have blacked-out a little. But this is the best I could put together.
With a superhuman accuracy, Wife clamped onto the correct tooth with her tongs; while #2 strained to open her mouth wide enough to fit the tongs, so her tongued would not get pulled out at the same time as the tooth. Wife gave a gentle tug, which means she may or may not have put pressure on it. #2 whined, in anticipation of the agony to come. Then, they both gave up, as it was sure to be too difficult on all the parties involved.
As the tongs were withdrawn, the tooth, knowing the game was over, threw its hands up and shouted, “You got me mommy!” and because its hands were up, it tumbled head-over-heels out of the little girls mouth onto the kitchen floor. #2 squealed with joy. Wife screamed with fear, as she thought the tooth had been swallowed. But she soon saw the tooth on the floor, and quickly became sick to her stomach at the sight
So, let it not be said that Wife will shrink back from any challenge if it is for the health of her children, no matter how disgusting she finds it. Also, may it be known to teeth everywhere, you are no match for Wife, or her barbecue tongs.